I open the toilet seat to have a pee, a three foot flag unfurls from the ceiling, ITS HONDAFEST!

A small corporate social media account emerges from the bowl, screaming relatable phrases it copied from r/memes. ITS GIVING SAVINGS, FAM NO CAP.

My wife enters asking if I’m ok. I reach out for her, too late, she has become a smiling vacant eyed Summer’s Eve ad. Not so fresh, I weep.