I’ve known since I was a kid that I’m depressed. I even have infant photos of me, where I look like I just hate life. Other baby photos the baby is smiling, and interested in everything. Whereas I look like even though I’m too young to even have thoughts, I’m still giving off body language of “leave me alone”.
But when I started asking everyone I knew if they too were depressed, I haven’t gotten one single person to say that they’re happy. Everyone has said they’re depressed. So now I wonder if it’s a regional thing, or if everyone everywhere is depressed.
One year ago, I was told I had 1 to 3 years to live. A few months later, it turned out that wasn’t the case after all. Let me tell you, that whipsaw from impending doom to having a future really changes the perspective. Even when I’m upset or downtrodden, I remember that being able to experience it is a gift.
Years ago I used to say, “another day on my way to the sweet release of death”. Lemme tell you, knowing it’s coming is not what you want or think it will be.