I recently conmented on a meme with a little personal experience and would like to know what you fine peoples take is?
Thanks!
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Allistic people have issues saying what they truly think, so they do all kinds of shit to “say without saying”. And that doesn’t work with us, but they don’t understand because, apparently, we should learn how to understand them, but they don’t want (and neither think they need) to understand us.
So we’re trapped in a world where a good bunch of the allistics don’t care enough about us to learn how to communicate properly with us or to, at least, find a middle ground.
I don’t think you are in the wrong, she just wasn’t able to express clearly what she thought and you weren’t able to understand her message because of the lack of clarity on her end.
So we’re trapped in a world where a good bunch of the allistics don’t care enough about us to learn how to communicate properly with us or to, at least, find a middle ground.
I don’t claim or even think I am autistic, but the inability for people recognize that just speaking clearly and directly would be better all around is infuriating. They seem to have some kind of reverence for people knowing all the ‘subtle clues’ that are based on what cultures someone is familiar with and based entirely on excluding others. Understanding the reasons why doesn’t make it less annoying when the same action could mean different things in the same culture in the same context depending on what is in somebody’s head.
Social cues are annoying and inconsistent even when they are understood. Most people just don’t think about it actively and just change their behavior based on anyone correcting them without thinking about why something is ‘the norm’.
Creepy.
she calls me creepy and to stop stalking her
That’s not a social cue - it’s a direct expression of a preference. And anon didn’t miss it - he ignored it.
Anon explained why he didn’t consider he was being creepy and (girl) didn’t counter it and didn’t mention it again. What does that mean?
“Anon’s” opinion on whether it’s creepy or not counts for absolutely nothing.
Again, it wasn’t a social cue and “anon” didn’t miss it - girl directly expressed her opinion and instead of accepting it, “anon” argued against it, then ignored it That’s not only creepy, but borderline abusive.
I believe the context for your query was that i missed a social que. However within context, she found it creepy i “stalked” her. To which i clarified it was not my intent to stalk or be creepy but was simply just being friendly, as i do with all my friends regardless of sex.
Yep - I figured this was just anon hoping for a different answer from a different audience.
Again, your intent doesn’t matter and there was no social cue that you missed. The girl clearly expressed her view and you didn’t do her even the simple courtesy of believing her. That’s not what friends do. That’s what stalkers do.
Autism as an excuse can only go so far. When you go past the point at which you simply fail to pick up on non-verbal cues to the point at which you dispute and disregard other people’s clearly stated preferences, it no longer applies. That’s not autism - it’s antisocial personality disorder. You’re not just failing to understand what other people expect, but refusing to treat them as beings with rights. You’re treating them as mere objects rightly subject to your will and your preferences.
Stop stalking me. If you reply to this post or downvote it you are creepy.
I think you probably missed some social cues there and may have come off as creepy, I’m afraid. At least her reactions would suggest that. Of course I can’t really say much more without details that are no doubt lost to time.
Heterostereotypical women are just as insane as macho men and the red pill crowd.
Taking no as a no is the only reasonable thing to do.
Also, you will notice, that people with a genuine interest in you might say no to something and then if you take a step back they’ll take a step towards you.
TL;DR you ever meet someone like the girl in the post – run, regardless of whether you’re autistic or not.
Dualy noted :D
Just FYI, it’s duly.
Unfortunately ‘Creepy’ is subjective and poorly defined. It’s a feeling rather than ‘this meets XYZ criteria and therefore is creepy’.
she calls me creepy and to stop stalking her. I explain im not stalking im just being a friend and just enjoy talking inbetween class.
I agree with you that she’s not using ‘stalking’ correctly but I believe this was meant to terminate your platonic relationship. It’s upsetting but that’s likely the point.
random number of text message with photo of me 20 seconds ago at lunch table. panic issues, i message who dis. They reply, you dont need to know stop stalking (girls name). I explain its not stalking if i go up and say hello and talk to them.
This behavior is much more in-line with a correct usage of ‘stalking’. I would assume this escalation was taken as being fair game from your refusal to accept her use as stalking. That’s vexing but likely meant just to highlight their desire to terminate the relationship as that wasn’t clear from her first accusation.
I think you are spending too much effort to engage with a person that is not engaging back with you. Regardless if your behavior was creepy or not, you are worth more than that. That person wasn’t matching your effort in maintaining a relationship (friendship in this scenario). Remember it takes two to tango, no matter how much you want it, you won’t be able to carry a relationship on your own…
